Week 6: Weddings and Marriage.... Whats the difference?

I LOVE talking about weddings, marriage, love, family, its all so happy! Here is a picture from my wedding, me and my husband with my beautiful family! I love this picture because we were all so sincerely happy.

In our class discussion, we partnered up and talked about what we thought was really important in a wedding and I was paired with a girl that was also married so we got the chance to talk about what made our weddings special. here are some of the things we talked about

-Timing
-Spouse
-Temple
-Sealer
-Family
-Preparation
-Understanding of the Marriage contract
-Respect for the partner
-Formal and special

SOooo I'll just explain a few of our points here. Something that really made my wedding special was that there were no surprises! I knew what I was getting into! Don't get me wrong, i don't have it all figured out but I was spiritually and mentally prepared with my husband. Something else that I realized is that I could have been better about preparing my family. What i mean by this is, when we get married our entire family structure changes. I am no longer just a sister and a daughter, i am now those plus a wife and a future mother and a sister-in-law and I think my family wasn't aware of the amount of change that would occur in our relationship. I shared the example in class of my little sister, she honestly thought that chad and I were just on vacation in Rexburg for 3 months and when we came back she was so excited to see us, a week later when we had to leave again, she was so confused and i had to sit down with my husband and her and we explained that I don't live at the house any more, and that I was still her sister and her mom was still my mom but we lived together in another state. I wish i would have prepared her more for that change in roles.

I also thought that the understanding that marriage is a contract was what made my wedding ceremony so peaceful and spiritual for my husband and I. when he proposed to me, he told me that we would have trials and that he would make me mad, he would get mad at me and we wouldn't gain perfection together, but he promised me that he would always try to be better and love me unconditionally, he understood the depth of marriage and its importance. I loved that when he proposed to me, he actually Proposed marriage. It wasn't just a formality, it was an actual question and request. I showed me respect by knowing that it was an equal choice to be apart of this marriage. he also showed me humility when he acknowledged the fact that we would struggle. Those desirable traits (along with a million others he showed me when we were dating) carried over into our marriage.

It was a great experience to review my proposal. It was nothing extravagant, i think my husband was just a surprised as I was that he was down on one knee but what he said and committed to that day was a great foundation for our marriage.

Week 5: Cohabiting and Marriage Perspectives

I couldn't help myself, this photos is straight-up AWESOME! haha!
So on the topic of cohabiting, i feel like I was really fortunate to be apart of the conversations and discussions in class this week, i have never had any friends or family with this situation and so i had a lot to learn about it.

I found it interesting that the statistics speak for themselves for the most part in this category of sociology. For example, higher divorce rate among those who cohabit first, and higher domestic violence rates in cohabiting situations.

I also think its important to recognize why its so easy to see cohabiting as a reasonable option.

1) Precursor to Marriage

This one meaning that the couple hasn't committed to marriage but if they can live together, they'll start talking about it and see if its an option after they live together for a while

2)Co-Residential Daters

These are the couples who are still in the dating stage , marriage isn't in the picture but they will most likely not make any further commitment.

3) Trial Marriage

This is comparable to the precursor however, it this point the couple is considering marriage and this is considered to be the test trial, if this co-habiting works our, that's proof to them that they are compatible for marriage.

4) Alternate to Marriage

These couples do not have a need in their lives for marriage we and believe that the commitment in co-habiting is a strong or strong enough for them to maintain a healthy, long-term relationship.

I think that understanding these different points of view were very beneficial to me. Co-habiting is encouraged in our society and its important to know be closed-minded about it, people aren't bad or stupid for cohabiting, for most it is seen as a very wise way to prepare yourself for marriage and you have to respect their good intentions and reasoning. I am just glad that i have a clear knowledge of the effects and the facts behind these actions that form my opinion about it.

WEEK 4: Homosexuality... yeah, we're goin there.

Today we had an interesting conversation in class about homosexuality and how parenthood, marriage and family plays into that.

I think its important for us to think of what God has in mind for us as men and women. How can we encourage heterosexuality. Here are a few ways that we discussed in class and that really stuck with me.

-help them to understand thier roles and the uniqueness of it.

-be accepting of any interest and characteristics that they have, so that if they are interested in something outside of thier sexuality, they arent being to that that interest "is gay".

I thought of this on a very personal level, becasue i know where i stand on homosexuality, i do not belive in a third gender, i belive in influences and tendancies. My husband and i always joke about how all he wants is for his boys to play baseball and football and put them through college on scholarships and how all his memories with his dad were with sports and there is nothing wrong with that but i became very aware, through the reading and the clips, that as parents something that i really want to practice and be aware of is being sensative our our childs desires. when they are interested in something, we need to be supportive of it and SUPPORT them regardless of that hobbies "sexual orientation".

Ways to raise and support a childs develpoment in a world of tendancies:

-Encourage and recognize the priesthood in thier lives
-Encourage father son bonding time, healthy relations there.
-Let them know that men and women can enjoy similar interest, there is nothing wrong with that.
-not classify manly things so that if they enjoy thing not in that realm they will be confident with their gender.
-Encourage friendship/scouts and young womens
-prevent sexual abuse/ it creates problems with identity 1 of 3 women abused before age 18
-teaching about self-stimulating and how to prevent it
-no labels /label themselves

Homosexuality is based on misunderstanding, , you sexuality is based on your connection to others and intimacy your body will respond to intimacy, that isn't proof, of that your gay, its natural.

I was talking with Bro. Williams after class and we talked about the proof of heterosexuality, what proves that there is no third orientation. I think that truth truely is happiness and its so important to share that truth.

I thinki one of the biggest questions of the LDS people in regards to homosexuality is how to respond to people being offended by us not supporting gay/lesbian marriage. wIn the words of a prophet "are not anti-gay, we are pro-family", we don't believe that the family needs to be redefine. Our Father in heaven has given us roles to fill to return as a family to him and we know that heavenly Father would never create someone to fail them in this perspective.

-fathers/love your son, love your daughters
-people are ready for different things at different times

Process to overcome
1) helping people understand what changed their thinking or influenced them to be homosexual, introduce truth. it provides hope, direction, understanding. NO third gender
2) Establish healthy same gender relationships (preisthood activities, relief society)

We want people to know who they are, beloved sons and daughters with an innate purpose.

WEEK 3: Culture Shifts:

I am so happy to know that the owrk that i am going into is making a difference in marriage, the video that we watched online this week for homework is proof of that.

The video clip "Class and family Structure in the United States" was so interesting to me and gave me a better understanding of what NEEDs to happen to improve the divorce rate of the lower class. This is not to say that the upperclass never get divorced any more but they are improving slowley. I tried to organzie my notes as a way to remember what was said in the clip. Sometimes i learn better through my notes becasue i right according to my impressions and feelings, not so much, exactly what i hear, so hopefully as my classmates read this with will help them to see what I got from the clip and how it helped me to understand the culture shift and what actions WE can take as future sociologists.

-->Divorce rate in the middle and upper middle class has gone down over the past 15 years, and they are not having children before marriage.

~Acedemics have contributed. What does that me to me?

~We no longer associate marriage with parenthood, there has been a seperation and acceptance OF that seperation of marraige and parenthood. Parenthood is coming before marriage in lower classes.

And "whats wrong with that"

***Parents are having children in unstable relationship***--Social influences

It is possible that they just do not want that, not sure of a long term future with the person. This could be becasue thay have never seen a happy marriage or becaseu they have negative experiences with marriage. This theory creates INCREDABLY complex families " his kids with her kids "

-Family Formation Project, low income urban couples ( fragil families) study them to see the predictors, risk factors and working with them to learn about those situation, many of them do not know a single successful long term relationship couple. "Marriage is an ideal for them but they have never really seen in in thier lives." Add in factors of child support, baby moms and dad, its a miracle that any of them make it.

Dameons Story: Now living with the 4th mother of his children, not proud of this, has apologized. One day he and his partner were having a big fight and she said, "why dont you just leave' and in the past thats what he would have done, he stayed and worked it out.

A CULTURE SHIFT for people to learn what it takes to create a lasting union.

SO... what can we do to help with this culture shift? EDUCATION. the more we educate ourselves on marriage and social factors that go into marital problems and parenting problems, then more people will be able to see the positive influence that a healthy marriage has on a family.